Review - Pro Evolution Soccer 2013 Demo (PS3)

Pro Evolution Soccer 2013 is available as a demo, PlayStation Store and XBox 360 Marketplace and Games for Windows. The full game is released on PS3, XBox 360 and PC on September 20.

Let me get something straight right off the bat. I haven't owned a PES game since the 2008 edition, the one that had Michael Owen on the cover. I've always been a FIFA fan, largely for licensing reasons (I like having atrocious Korean sides to destroy when choosing random teams), although that's not to say I'm an   EA fanboy. I did switch to PES for a few years when it undeniably produced the superior gameplay, to the point where I put up with meticulously changing club names and kits and even player names.

Yes, I'm a bit obsessive.

Anyway, while perusing the PS Store earlier I came across the new PES 2013 demo and thought I'd give it a whirl. After all, maybe Konami had found the motivation to kick back to the top of the pile and avoid becoming something of a Blackburn figure, briefly topping the league but slipping back into obscurity and, yes, ridicule, while casting envious glances at the Manchester United of FIFA.

So, has it outdone FIFA? Well, I haven't played FIFA 13 yet, but I think the safe answer is a resounding no.

Now, don't get me wrong, FIFA isn't perfect. Its physics engine, in particular, is just short of woeful. But playing PES genuinely feels like playing a PS2 game. And not a good one. Something like This Is Football or Red Card. The gameplay is just bizarre. It's a lot quicker than FIFA generally is, which is nice when it gives the game a good flow and keeps the excitement up. But it's let down by the appalling control of the players and the sheer clunkiness of the passing and movement.

You pick up the ball from a pass, back to goal and a defender up your jacksie, and rotate the analogue stick expecting a swift spin around the centre back towards goal. Instead, your player moves a step away from the defender before pulling a 90 degree turn, then another 60 degree turn as the attempt to leave his opponent standing. Inevitably, you plough straight into him.

You probably like this fella as much as I like this game

And as for getting it to the striker in the first place, the passing system seems precise, yet amazingly haphazard. Sometimes the ball runs straight to your team-mate's feet, others it's just sort of  'over there', with no obvious reason why one or the other has occured. This particularly irks me since I like to get the ball on the floor and play a slick passing game, and I played as Italy to give PES the best chance to allow it to happen. If Pirlo can't manage a decent pass, something's badly wrong.

The games themselves are hard to judge, since the demo only gives you a 5 minute match, but I only played on Professional difficulty (the third highest, behind Superstar and Top Player), yet conceded 9 goals across three games with only 2 in return. Most of which were simply down to the awkward controls meaning my defence parted at the slightest hint of impending Lukas Podolski.

And then we get the biggest thing that struck me. 2 of the 11 goals scored came from comedy deflections, leading to the always brilliant stat of "Shots on target 0 - Goals 1" at half time of one game. These deflections plagued my whole experience. It's like Konami have just learned that they could actually make deflections happen and have drawn attention to it by making them as ludicrous as is possible. Or indeed impossible.

To go back to the defenders, they didn't help matters, either. The AI just seems so dim-witted. I brought my keeper out on one occasion just to have him plough through the onrushing striker with reckless abandon. There's no accomodation for dodging out of the way of a ball coming at you that's clearly not meant for you as there is in FIFA, which mixed with the inbred AI encourages even more of those freak deflections that ruin an already unpleasant gaming experience.

I should probably end on a positive note, which is that the licenses it does have (for the demo this stretched to England, Italy, Germany, Portugal and four Brazilian sides in a Copa Liberatadores mode) are very well represented, as are the players themselves, although Wayne Rooney is a notable absentee from the England side. Ostensibly this will probably be down to him not playing in the game the default lineup was based on, but it's more likely because of his strong links with the competition.

Graphically, the standard match view is good, although the steady pan from right-down-on-the-touchline to standard hovering camera at the kickoff is somewhat disorientating, but the real gem is the replays, which have just enough motion blur to look dead on lifelike while still showing off the level of detail. Ultimately, I can't help but think Konami need to focus less on presentation and get the gameplay right again. They've shown they can do it, but somewhere along the line it's slipped and just... broken.

Overall impression: Do not buy this game. Even downloading the demo is a waste of energy.

How Wembley ruined the FA Cup.

If Wembley Stadium is the spiritual home of the FA Cup, then Wembley FC is the antithesis of that same spirit.

For many, the best thing about the FA Cup is the minnows getting their moments of glory, giant killings and plucky underdogs getting one over the big boys.

But what if one of these underdogs were funded and their side warped by the big boys, the competition's big-name sponsor Budweiser? An underdog like Wembley FC?

For those who don't know, Budweiser have started backing Wembley and, as part of the deal, have installed Terry Venables as manger and brought in ex-stars such as Graeme Le Saux, Ray Parlour, Brian McBride and an ever effeminate-looking Claudio Caniggia and will star in an ESPN documentary.

While it's a bit 'mid-90s fantasy football', if this was a regular arrangement, as weird as it may be, it may be fair enough but it isn't. Terry and co can only take part in FA Cup games.

Aside from it smacking of a publicity stunt, this is also unfair on a footballing level. Regular players who toil away for Wembley FC in the league will miss out on taking part in the greatest domestic cup competition in the world through no fault of their own, at the expense of a bit of revenue and publicity.

That's not even taking into account these paid-for stars directly influencing the competition itself. In Wembley FC's FA Cup opener, against Langford FC, Caniggia scored in what turned out to be a 3-2 win. One goal that could have been the difference between Langford picking up some much-needed prize money. Prize money that, to Wembley, would just be a bonus on top of what Budweiser are already supplying them with.

It happens in Sunday League games up and down the country, every so often a team will turn up with a couple of semi-pro lads in tow who don't normally play. You know they shouldn't be there, they know they shouldn't be there but they are and you get on with it, probably raking a couple of studs down one of them as  you do.

There's even an exceptional episode of The Simpsons where the nuclear power plant Homer Simpson works for has a works softball team. The plant's owner, the mega-rich and dark-hearted Mr Burns, is so desperate to see the side, made up of blue collar workers, win the league that he dispenses with his regular team in favour of bringing in ringers from Major League Baseball.

(N.B. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you do. Not just because it is one of the best comedy episodes ever made, but it will be highly useful in understanding the wonderfully witty comparisons about to be made.)



But this isn't Sunday League or The Simpsons, this is the FA Cup. Genuine dreams and stories could be scuppered by a plastic, gimmicky publicity stunt.

Yes, it's about as likely that Wembley will get to Wembley as it is Graeme Le Saux will develop gigantism through guzzling Ken Griffey Jnr's nerve tonic; Ray Parlour ends up clucking like a chicken alongside Roger Clemens and Claudio Caniggia is more likely to end up being kicked off the park by some Cameroon-inspired Combined Counties League centre-half than get kicked off the team for not shaving off his Don Mattingly-esque sideburns but it is clear that in an attempt to spice-up the FA Cup, Budweiser have made it into a joke straight from The Simpsons.

Only it's just not funny.

One down, 37 to go... but what does it mean?

One of the favourite tricks of football pundits is trying to guess how a season will pan out based on nothing but pre-season form. Here at HTO, we refrain from such shoddy attempts at trying to sound smart. Instead, we prefer to jump to wild conclusions after the opening round of league games have been played.

Sometimes, the first few games of the season can be a fairly good indication of what to expect for the next nine months. Strikers who get themselves off to a flying start will quite often carry that form through the rest of the season. Look at the impact Papiss Cisse made at the start of his Newcastle career earlier this year.

But equally, you really cannot trust the first results. Defences are still dopey after the summer break, strikers are still pouring Caribbean sand out of their shooting boots, and referees... well, would we actually notice if they were any worse? However, despite my determination to avoid the obvious pitfalls of hyperbole (which I'll get to in a minute), there are some small truths to be found hidden amongst the pent-up excitement and frustration.

Sensationalisms 1 & 2: Man United won't even make Europe because they lost to Everton, who will be in the Champions League!

We know for sure that United struggled much more than they usually do on the opening day. But lest we forget 1995, when United lost 3-1 at Villa Park on in the first game. Alan Hansen remembers it well.

But to suggest this one blip (and face it, it is a blip) is indicative of United's ultimate fate is to miss some crucial points. Firstly, Kagawa still needs bedding fully into the side to reach his full effect, and Robin van Persie was hardly used at all. Second, United had two fit defenders. Two. Admittedly it was a Man of the Match performance from David de Gea that kept Everton down to one goal, but you can't expect a cobbled together back four to go to a notoriously tricky away game and keep a clean sheet.

On the other side of the coin, some, myself included, have noted that if Everton are actually bothering to turn up for the first dozen games of the season then they might just outdo their seeming rut of finishing just off the Europa places. If we can't trust this result one way, we can't the other either. What we can take from it is that Fellaini, when he's bothered, is near unstoppable, and that Everton are good at shutting down top teams at Goodison. Both of which we've known for years. More noticeable for Everton was that they're still limited to playing one striker and a few attacking mids because of their, well, one striker. After sitting back and thinking I'm not convinced they've replaced Cahill. Expect a solid 7th from them for now, and a title challenge from United.

Sensationalism 3: Man City should have made some signings and won't win the league, they only just beat Southampton!

Ah yes. It's true that City haven't signed anyone (Jack Rodwell notwithstanding) but their squad is half decent anyway, and at the risk of sounding cliché, Tevez being there for the whole season will be like a new signing in itself.

Also to be considered is that Southampton have clearly been watching videos of Blackpool. They didn't hold back, and as a result very nearly got something from the game. It should be noted that this ballsy manner of play did eventually get Blackpool relegated, something everyone seems to gloss over.

But enough about Southampton, it's City we're focusing on. Perhaps we should look more closely at the Chari Community Shield, where City bossed the game in the second half against Chelsea. Or even just hold on until they've been to Anfield this Sunday. And bear in mind they won the league after one of the worst displays against QPR I've seen from any team, never mind just City. 

Sensationalism 4: Fulham and Swansea will be top half for sure! And did you see that Michu? Signing of the season!

Get a grip. The only thing that those two games proved is that QPR and Norwich both have defences more than capable of going to pieces. Honestly, it's like you people have forgotten everything that happened last season already. Yes, Swansea played some nice football under the Laudrup that wasn't at Rangers, but they did last season under Brendan Rodgers too. And QPR folded to any form of nice football. 5-0 was a bit of a false reflection, but they put their chances away, which is the main thing to focus on.

Swansea's new striker is certainly an imposing presence

As for Michu (pictured above), while I did cite the instant impact and subsequent imperiousness of Papiss Cisse before, don't forget that for every Papiss there's a Djibril, and also don't get carried away with him scoring two when his first was yet another episode of 'Simple Things Rob Green Fails At'. Fulham's Petric had a better game for his two goals, but as I said before, the defence fell apart with alarming ease. The only thing Fulham need to worry themselves with is making sure Clint Dempsey doesn't get tempted out of their mid-table obscurity to go to a Big Club. Like...

Sensationalisms 5-183: Liverpool are doomed, Brendan Rodgers should be sacked, Suarez has gone off the boil, Carroll needs to leave and when will they buy someone from a proper club rather than picking the bones of the lower half of the Premier League?

Calm down, calm down. Yes, Liverpool were awful at the Hawthorns. And yes, they do only appear to have signed players that Brendan Rodgers has worked with before. But Liverpool had lots of dreadful games last season, with a squad as small as theirs it's a risk you have to live with. And it's hard to improve that squad when they're not exactly flush with cash (comparatively, anyway), so they can't afford to take another Carroll-sized risk in the transfer market. Rodgers was brought in to get the side playing the way he wants, and the best, safest and probably cheapest way to do that is to go for players he knows. Almost zero risk of picking a dud, and no time needed for the boss to adjust to how the signing needs to be used.

But don't think I'm jumping blindly to Liverpool's defence. Rodgers has been unacceptably stubborn with Andy Carroll, practically freezing him out despite seriously limited attacking options. And as much as they might be getting used to poor performances, there is surely a limit to the number of times Liverpool fans will accept those performances. It was undoubtedly them that caused Roy Hodgson's early departure, and on the other hand it was their blind support for King Kenny that led to them accepting his flaws and erratic signings.

Liverpool do clearly have a big task on their hands, but the fans need to not get too ahead of themselves with organising the firing squad for Rodgers. They should also prepare for a home defeat at the hands of Manchester City this weekend. Brendan Rodgers needs time, it's simply a case of whether the Kop will afford it to him.

Well, that's that. Hopefully I've managed to put a damper on most of the wild emotional swings you lot of nutters have had since the start of this fledgling season. I fully expect to have to have this talk the same time next year, but for now, just wait a few months until you start actually paying attention to the table, ok?

The money'll come out tomorrow...

I can't help it. Every year I try not to get excited about the impending closure of the transfer window, and every year I get caught up in it. This year's not exactly shaping up to have any of the Robinho and Berbatov-laden insanity of summer 2008, but then again, neither did that day.

What we can expect, though, is a huge amount of panic buying. And industrial-strength stalling from the berks at Sky Sports News, who've been preparing for this hallowed day for the last seven months.

Andy Burton will be being interviewed in the studio every 45 minutes or so, saying his sources are saying their sources are saying that someone is getting on a plane to somewhere, but he can't give us any details because he needs to keep it private. Meanwhile, Jim White will almost certainly be trying to convince us that Sunderland signing Peter Crouch will happen, and that it is every bit as important as the giant shock transfer we're all waiting for. Adam Leventhal will try, and fail, to get a nice view down Natalie Sawyer's cleavage.

The BBC live text system will be as dull as ever. Sam Lyon will retweet some tool's lies about Sergio Biscuits being seen travelling along the M60, possibly tongue-in-cheek but you can't be too sure with Sam, he might just be a thicko. Jonathan Stevenson's updates will be pretty reliable, but just five minutes after you've read about them in the next day's papers. God, he's slow.

Owen Hargreaves is looking like being the comedy story of the day, probably being subjected to cotton wo- erm, "fitness tests" at various places, allegedly Manchester City, which is funny in itself. I'd bet cash money on him failing, regardless of what YouTube tells you.

But forget everything else. Tomorrow is about Arsenal. They'll be referred to as a crisis club dozens of times, the words "pivotal", "crucial", "vital" and anything else you can find in the thesaurus will be banded around in reference to the day's importance to Arsene Wenger's time as Arsenal manager, probably by Craig David, who's my tip to be stationed outside the Emirates with that big façade of the Arsenal legends linking arms in the background. You know the one.

Intrepid SSN reporter David Craig gears himself up for another hectic transfer deadline day

And in the end, it'll all be a massive disappointment. Stoke will sign an average Championship player, Arsenal will panic buy someone unproven but with promise (cue ominous music), and Leventhal won't see any boobs. I can't remember a truly interesting transfer window since that aforementioned wonderful day in 2008. At least this one won't feature the saga of whether Barca will make a late bid for Cesc Fabregas.

We all know it'll be rubbish. I've told you what's going to happen already. But you'll still skive off work and be glued to the tv, your phone and/or the internet all day, won't you? Of course you will. And I'll be right there with you

Villas Boas has a big rebuilding job on his hands

Andre Villas Boas could hardly refuse an offer like Chelsea, but what appears to be a very attractive position could prove very challenging, even for somebody of his considerable talents.

Chelsea stagnated alarmingly last season. They started the season in blistering form, destroying anybody that crossed their path, but once they lost Frank Lampard to injury, it exposed frailties in Chelsea's squad not seen for years.

Their play became sluggish and predictable, Drogba and Anelka's goals dried up, £50million man Fernando Torres' goals never even came. The case for the defence of Chelsea was, well, their defence. They had the joint best defensive record with Manchester City last season but it still was not quite as convincing as in their Premier League winning seasons.


Chelsea's squad is an aging squad, and has been for some time. This must be the biggest concern for the new manager. Perhaps that was a reason for hiring the previous manager, Carlo Ancelotti. He does, afterall, have a proven track record with more experienced players and he has handled the big egos, but maybe now it has got to the point where the over 30s struggle to cope with the pace of the Premier League.

Looking over the current Chelsea squad there is a staggering number of player aged 30 or more. Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard, Yossi Benayoun, Didier Drogba, Florent Malouda, Paulo Ferreira, John Terry and Nicholas Anelka to name them.

This is in stark contrast to Sir Alex Ferguson's youth movement at Manchester United, which won them the Premier League and took them all the way to the Champions League final against Barcelona.

Andre Villas-Boas has enjoyed immense success for such a young manager, winning the Portuguese league, cup, supercup and the Europa League last season in his first season as Porto manager.

Roman Abramovich was sufficiently impressed to pay Porto over £13million of his fortune to acquire his second Portguese manager, now he must be similarly generous to ensure his team are not completely left behind by United and possibly Manchester City with whom they finished level on points last season.

In buying Ashley Young, Phil Jones and David De Gea, United have spent well so far this summer; buying young (pardon the pun), hungry players for the future, but who can also make a solid contribution straight away. City are actively persuing Sergio Aguero and Samir Nasri to bolster their attack and compliment their already solid defence.

So where do Chelsea start? For years Chelsea have played to the strengths of Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba, playing a slow, possession game and overpowering their opponents. Both of these players are now 33, how much longer can Chelsea play like this?

The signings of Ramires, Torres, Benayoun and Luiz suggest perhaps a change from the typical Chelsea we've seen since Jose Mourinho left. These are smaller, more mobile players and perhaps there have been long term plans to change the way Chelsea play.


Certainly, Ramires and Torres suit a faster style of play in order to exploit their pace. Chelsea's slow style of play keeps opposition teams camped in their own half, which is fine with a striker like Drogba who can bully defenders. Torres, while not physically weak, is not capable of replicating Drogba's style. To get the best out of Torres he needs to be put in behinds defences to show his pace and finishing ability, he cannot do this when defences are given the chance to retreat to a deeper line.

Nicholas Anelka had been the main outlet of pace in the Chelsea squad but his role in the team has diminished due to a lack of playing time in his true position as well as simply aging, he won't keep his pace forever.

The over 30s will soon need replacing and a new philosophy of football is necessary to get the best out of the younger players at the club. Andre Villas-Boas is a young manager with fresh ideas and isknown to favour attacking football which can only be beneficial for the likes of Josh McEachran, Ramires, Torres and the probable entrant, Luka Modric.

The real challenge for Villas-Boas is keeping Chelsea at the top while rebuilding a team that requires new blood.

Mario Balotelli - In defence of an idiot

On Sunday, an atrocity against football was committed.

Sometime in the afternoon heat of Los Angeles, a footballer dared to showboat. This deplorable act had dire, hilarious and, for some reason, very angry consequences.

Fortunately, for those who like to watch professional sports people make tools of themselves, Mario Balotelli's chucklesome gaff was captured on television for posterity.

As well as serving as the latest chapter in the Italian's comicbook account of his City career, this bungled piece of buffoonery was the trigger for all kinds of scorn to be poured upon the striker.

Since joining Manchester City, Mario Balotelli has had a, erm, mixed time of things. In his 12 months in the North-West, he has thrown darts at a youth teamer (for a laugh), single-handedly stopped a child from being bullied, wrestled with a plastic bib and given away thousands of pounds to a tramp.

Compared to those escapades, fluffing a back-hell is probably the least controversial thing he's done. Well, you'd think so. Apparently not.

Moments after the miss, Roberto Mancini substituted the striker and the two shared a heated exchange of words. The anger didn't stay between these two, either, Twitter was soon abuzz with words like 'disrespectful', 'unprofessional' and 'disgrace'.

'Idiot' would have sufficed.

Had he scored, or maybe even if it wasn't one of football's biggest nut-jobs, there's probable doubt that these words would have been reeled off. Certainly, had it gone in, the superlatives may well have been in free-flow.

Instead, though, he missed, looked a fool, everybody laughed and the clip will be on something like 'Danny Dyer's Pwoppa Nawtie Footie Fowl Aaps' and that's how it should have stayed.

The fuss would've been understandable had it been in a competitive game, like Robbie Keane's abomination of a fancy flick ( go to 3.20), in the Champions League, Djimi Traore's effort of a Zidane drag-back or David Dunn's derby day hilarities.

Instead, it was in a friendly. A friendly. You know, those unimportant games which are usually devoid of entertainment? Well Balotelli tried a trick to entertain. Yes, he messed it up, but it was entertaining.

If outlandish attempts at pointless tricks are that bad and are a blight on the game, maybe we should start a campaign, Father Ted style?

DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING! And this. And this. And especially this.

Imagine football without this type of disrespectful play. A joyous game full of Kevin Davieses, Dirk Kuyts, Darren Fletchers and Gareth Barrys.

Dedicated. Committed. Functional. Boring.

Strip-tease

The close season is a dull time for a football fan. Saturdays drift by aimlessly, and it's only around now, with the minor consolation of pre-season friendlies getting underway, that there's any relief from an otherwise dreadful summer of drizzle, golf and the Women's World Cup.

The only thing that's kept me going is the steady stream of new kits being revealed, something I've kept on top of thanks to Football-Shirts.co.uk. Now, the issue of new home, away, 3rd, and sometimes even 4th (not to mention European home and away) kits being replaced every season is a rant in itself, and one I won't get into for now.

Because I wanted to focus on the kits themselves. If you sift through the standard, bland and oft-recycled Nike and Adidas templates, and try to kid yourself that Umbro's featureless 'Tailored' range isn't just them running out of ideas rather than the PR excuse of wanting to celebrate [insert team name here]'s proud heritage, there's actually some cracking designs knocking around.



Wycombe's offering, in particular, is a belter, as Kappa show that you can actually do something interesting with a fairly restricting template of two-tone blue quarters, with their wobbly (and, let's be honest, comedy breasts lookalike) chest panels giving the shirt an nice little feature. That said, it does suffer from the age-old Kappa issues of a sponsor that's far too high, and those damn shoulder logos.

But where's the fun in looking at nice shirts? Like a club just before closing time, there's some absolute munters hanging around trying desperately to grab somebody's attention. And what better place to start than at the top of club football?



Grim. I've seen someone wearing this shirt around town (Preston must have a fledgling Catalan population) and it looks just as bad in real life. I can appreciate that Nike want to do something interesting and different with one of its biggest clients, but this? Really? When have asymmetrical stripes EVER looked good? In fact, I'm reminded of this:



Still, it could be worse. You could be a Gillingham fan, stuck with wearing this. At least it's only a third shirt, so hopefully for Gills' sake they won't have to look at it too often. And just in case you were wondering, the shorts are pink, too.

But before I go, spare a thought for goalkeepers. You'd think they'd be fairly safe from the atrocities afflicting their outfield team-mates, after all, shouldn't they just be stuck in a plain green shirt and left to it? Not if you're the England goalkeeper!



This is, quite possibly, the worst kit of any sort I've seen since, well, England's away goalkeeper kit from Euro 96. What, you don't remember? Well let me refresh your memory...



It looks like a parrot was sick on a rainbow. I remember laughing about this kit when I was 8 in the playground. It was even worse when it was what Seaman was wearing in that heart-wrenching shooting against the Germans. And now that memory has made me cry, I think it's an appropriate time to go.

But hang on. How can I possibly write a blog about bad football shirts, and even go so far as to mention goalkeepers, without this fella getting in on the action. Jorge Campos, we at Half Time Oranges salute you!