Review - Typical City book

Typical City is available as a paperback from Waterstones. It is on sale online now, and in-store in selected areas.

I realise that reviewing such a specialised book may run the risk of not exactly appealing to everyone. But then again, using our HtO contributors as a test group, I can deduce that 25% of the population support Manchester City, and of those 25%, 100% can read. Therefore this review will appeal to 25% of the world's population, which is approximately 1.75 billion. Which, coincidentally, is also City's account balance.

Anyway, if you're still reading I will assume you're either bored or a Man City fan. The first thing you notice if you're presented with the paperback is that it's a decently hefty thing, weighing in just short of 500 pages. The other thing you'll notice is that it's priced at £13.99, which, while it's more than most paperback novels you'll see, is still perfectly reasonable compared to similar football-related paperbacks on the shelves.

The main focus of the book is the last four years, which is handy for a number of reasons. Firstly, any more may have made the book too big to read without certain spinal damage (to the book, obviously). Second, it just so happens to be when City haven't been midtable-to-bottom-half scrappers, or worse. And third, as any Chelsea fan will tell you, there's no point going backwards because history only begins when the rich man with oil-stained chequebook turns up on your doorstep.

Those four years are covered in the form of match reports, and lots of them, considering all cup competitions are covered as well as the league. You get an instant idea of how in-depth this goes when the first game is City away at some Faroese clowns so obscure you probably haven't even come across them on Football Manager.

The reports themselves are decent enough, although it can be tricky to get a true picture of an attack from one sentence, although again it's aimed more at sparking memories of those events from the City fans who saw them in the first place. There's monthly commentaries from the author and/or interviews with City players and dignitaries, which work to break up the monotony of a couple of hundred match reports.

And monotony is a risk, considering there's no pictures in the book aside from the front cover. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting a glossy picture book, but it can be easy to get distracted from page after page of teamsheets and Carlos Tevez chances. But again, as I'm not the target audience here, merely a detached spectator, it's hard for me to get fully engrossed, and I'd take this over a rushed out pretty-but-no-substance cashin any day.

I would have liked to see a bit of an introduction to set the scene, at least glossing over what had come before, rather than being dumped right into the action. Likewise, you go straight from Aguero's Hollywood ending into just a six-page potted history separating you from the appendices. The first part of that history would have been better served at the start of the book, with a bigger, more emotional editorial at the end. As it is, the end almost seems anticlimactic.

The text-heavy nature of it, coupled with the sheer mass of reports and other bits of garnish, means that you will not whizz through this in 25 minutes. It's a commitment, unless you're the sort of person who'll skip straight to the FA Cup Final, the two wins over United, and the QPR game. On the plus side, if you're so inclined, each match report is a page at most, so it's something you could leave by the side of the bog and dip in and out of, if you'll excuse the expression. That approach will also have the added bonus of breaking it up even more neatly than the monthly progress reports and league tables provided inside.

To summarise, f you've got a kid or younger brother who's got himself a KUN AGUERO 16 shirt this probably isn't the book for them. It serves its purpose of a record of the last four years, and the journey from that infamous takeover to that overplayed last-gasp victory, admirably, although it is just that, a record of it. In that respect, it's a perfectly good account, and you certainly get a lot for your money. Just don't go in with any unreasonable expectations.

Overall impression: Well worth a look as long as you're a grown up City fan.

Transfer window madness: The strangest moves this summer.

Jordan Rhodes (Huddersfield Town to Blackburn Rovers)

First of all, let's get this straight from the get go, as a player, Rhodes isn't a bad signing by any means; he's only 22, a Scotland international and scored a remarkable 40 goals in 45 game for Huddersfield, in League One, last season.

The barmy thing about this transfer is the fee. All £8 million of it. Whichever way you look at it, £8m is an awful lot of money to splash on a 22 year old who has only proven himself in League One, especially when you see that both Dimitar Berbatov and Emmanuel Adebayor went for less.

Nuno Gomes (Braga - Blackburn Rovers)

Yup, Blackburn again. Back in the early 2000s, Nuno Gomes was one of the hottest striking prospects in Europe. Now, at 36, the former Portuguese hitman finds himself in the N-Power Championship trying to help a Lancashire-based box of frogs return to the Premier League at the first time of asking.

Having appeared to be winding down his career in his homeland and his best days behind him, to see him pitch up at Blackburn is something of a surprise. Maybe he'll be the experienced figure to aid Jordan Rhodes' development and help Rovers to promotion. On the other hand, Steve Kean might just have got real life mixed up with his Championship Manager 01/02 save.

Steve Kean eyes up his next Portuguese hotshot.

Julio Cesar (Inter Milan - Q.P.R.)

After narrowly escaping the drop last season, Q.P.R. needed to strengthen and tighten a leaky defence. Having shipped Paddy Kenny out to Leeds, they needed an upgrade in the goalkeeping department so turned to West Ham's Rob Green as their new number one. For all of two games.

Yes, no sooner had Rob Green made his first multi-annual cock-up, Mark Hughes swooped to sign Inter Milan's Brazilian custodian and formerly one of the most highly-rated keepers in the world. Unlucky, Bob.

Richard Wright (Preston North End - Manchester City)

Talking of once highly rated players and underwhelming English goalkeepers, Richard Wright's move to Manchester City was probably the most bizarre transfer to happen this summer. Not only has the former Arsenal and Ipswich man been signed with the idea in mind that he will never play, Wright's move comes off the back of a spell at Preston that lasted all of a month. The reason? He felt homesick at being so far away from his family in Ipswich.

Either Richard's geography isn't that great or that few extra grand a week means he can afford not to love his kids as much.

Learn geography with Richard Wright

No-one (Liverpool & Manchester United)

At some point in June, Alex Ferguson and Brendan Rodgers must have bumped into each other, literally, and dropped their pile of carefully prepared transfer plans. In the ensuing scramble to bashfully pick-up their notes, the two managers must have accidentally swapped papers.

Liverpool needed goals and ended up signing two central midfielders; Manchester United needed a new central midfield and ended up with a star striker.

Whilst the Red Devils' transfer failings can be masked by the potency of Robin van Persie, Liverpool's bungled pursuit of a goal-getter isn't likely to be made any better by the fact three of their big signings are two midfielders not renowned for hitting the back of the net and a young, hard-working but ultimately inexperienced forward.

Giampaolo Pazzini/Antonio Cassano (Swap deal between Inter Milan & A.C. Milan)

The surprising thing about this transfer isn't that it happened between two fierce rivals - the transfer market between these two clubs has always been surprisingly open - but the fact that neither player seemed to fit in at the club they were going to.

As Zonal Marking's Michael Cox explains, Pazzini is at his best when wingers are putting crosses into the box, a style of football Milan haven't played in a long while. Meanwhile, at Inter, it's not entire certain if or how Cassano will slot into the team in a way which will make his signing worthwhile.

Gaston Ramirez (Bologna to Southampton)

There are a few questions hanging over this move:

Where did Southampton get £16m from?

How did they tempt one of Uruguay's star players and one of Europe's hottest properties to St Mary's?

How long will he stick around for?

After supposedly having about 48 medicals at Liverpool, according to Twitter's many 'In The Know Agents', what is the record for the number of medicals at a club before signing somewhere else?

Joey Barton (Q.P.R. to Marseille on loan)

I mean, seriously, why? Just why?

One down, 37 to go... but what does it mean?

One of the favourite tricks of football pundits is trying to guess how a season will pan out based on nothing but pre-season form. Here at HTO, we refrain from such shoddy attempts at trying to sound smart. Instead, we prefer to jump to wild conclusions after the opening round of league games have been played.

Sometimes, the first few games of the season can be a fairly good indication of what to expect for the next nine months. Strikers who get themselves off to a flying start will quite often carry that form through the rest of the season. Look at the impact Papiss Cisse made at the start of his Newcastle career earlier this year.

But equally, you really cannot trust the first results. Defences are still dopey after the summer break, strikers are still pouring Caribbean sand out of their shooting boots, and referees... well, would we actually notice if they were any worse? However, despite my determination to avoid the obvious pitfalls of hyperbole (which I'll get to in a minute), there are some small truths to be found hidden amongst the pent-up excitement and frustration.

Sensationalisms 1 & 2: Man United won't even make Europe because they lost to Everton, who will be in the Champions League!

We know for sure that United struggled much more than they usually do on the opening day. But lest we forget 1995, when United lost 3-1 at Villa Park on in the first game. Alan Hansen remembers it well.

But to suggest this one blip (and face it, it is a blip) is indicative of United's ultimate fate is to miss some crucial points. Firstly, Kagawa still needs bedding fully into the side to reach his full effect, and Robin van Persie was hardly used at all. Second, United had two fit defenders. Two. Admittedly it was a Man of the Match performance from David de Gea that kept Everton down to one goal, but you can't expect a cobbled together back four to go to a notoriously tricky away game and keep a clean sheet.

On the other side of the coin, some, myself included, have noted that if Everton are actually bothering to turn up for the first dozen games of the season then they might just outdo their seeming rut of finishing just off the Europa places. If we can't trust this result one way, we can't the other either. What we can take from it is that Fellaini, when he's bothered, is near unstoppable, and that Everton are good at shutting down top teams at Goodison. Both of which we've known for years. More noticeable for Everton was that they're still limited to playing one striker and a few attacking mids because of their, well, one striker. After sitting back and thinking I'm not convinced they've replaced Cahill. Expect a solid 7th from them for now, and a title challenge from United.

Sensationalism 3: Man City should have made some signings and won't win the league, they only just beat Southampton!

Ah yes. It's true that City haven't signed anyone (Jack Rodwell notwithstanding) but their squad is half decent anyway, and at the risk of sounding cliché, Tevez being there for the whole season will be like a new signing in itself.

Also to be considered is that Southampton have clearly been watching videos of Blackpool. They didn't hold back, and as a result very nearly got something from the game. It should be noted that this ballsy manner of play did eventually get Blackpool relegated, something everyone seems to gloss over.

But enough about Southampton, it's City we're focusing on. Perhaps we should look more closely at the Chari Community Shield, where City bossed the game in the second half against Chelsea. Or even just hold on until they've been to Anfield this Sunday. And bear in mind they won the league after one of the worst displays against QPR I've seen from any team, never mind just City. 

Sensationalism 4: Fulham and Swansea will be top half for sure! And did you see that Michu? Signing of the season!

Get a grip. The only thing that those two games proved is that QPR and Norwich both have defences more than capable of going to pieces. Honestly, it's like you people have forgotten everything that happened last season already. Yes, Swansea played some nice football under the Laudrup that wasn't at Rangers, but they did last season under Brendan Rodgers too. And QPR folded to any form of nice football. 5-0 was a bit of a false reflection, but they put their chances away, which is the main thing to focus on.

Swansea's new striker is certainly an imposing presence

As for Michu (pictured above), while I did cite the instant impact and subsequent imperiousness of Papiss Cisse before, don't forget that for every Papiss there's a Djibril, and also don't get carried away with him scoring two when his first was yet another episode of 'Simple Things Rob Green Fails At'. Fulham's Petric had a better game for his two goals, but as I said before, the defence fell apart with alarming ease. The only thing Fulham need to worry themselves with is making sure Clint Dempsey doesn't get tempted out of their mid-table obscurity to go to a Big Club. Like...

Sensationalisms 5-183: Liverpool are doomed, Brendan Rodgers should be sacked, Suarez has gone off the boil, Carroll needs to leave and when will they buy someone from a proper club rather than picking the bones of the lower half of the Premier League?

Calm down, calm down. Yes, Liverpool were awful at the Hawthorns. And yes, they do only appear to have signed players that Brendan Rodgers has worked with before. But Liverpool had lots of dreadful games last season, with a squad as small as theirs it's a risk you have to live with. And it's hard to improve that squad when they're not exactly flush with cash (comparatively, anyway), so they can't afford to take another Carroll-sized risk in the transfer market. Rodgers was brought in to get the side playing the way he wants, and the best, safest and probably cheapest way to do that is to go for players he knows. Almost zero risk of picking a dud, and no time needed for the boss to adjust to how the signing needs to be used.

But don't think I'm jumping blindly to Liverpool's defence. Rodgers has been unacceptably stubborn with Andy Carroll, practically freezing him out despite seriously limited attacking options. And as much as they might be getting used to poor performances, there is surely a limit to the number of times Liverpool fans will accept those performances. It was undoubtedly them that caused Roy Hodgson's early departure, and on the other hand it was their blind support for King Kenny that led to them accepting his flaws and erratic signings.

Liverpool do clearly have a big task on their hands, but the fans need to not get too ahead of themselves with organising the firing squad for Rodgers. They should also prepare for a home defeat at the hands of Manchester City this weekend. Brendan Rodgers needs time, it's simply a case of whether the Kop will afford it to him.

Well, that's that. Hopefully I've managed to put a damper on most of the wild emotional swings you lot of nutters have had since the start of this fledgling season. I fully expect to have to have this talk the same time next year, but for now, just wait a few months until you start actually paying attention to the table, ok?

Mario Balotelli - In defence of an idiot

On Sunday, an atrocity against football was committed.

Sometime in the afternoon heat of Los Angeles, a footballer dared to showboat. This deplorable act had dire, hilarious and, for some reason, very angry consequences.

Fortunately, for those who like to watch professional sports people make tools of themselves, Mario Balotelli's chucklesome gaff was captured on television for posterity.

As well as serving as the latest chapter in the Italian's comicbook account of his City career, this bungled piece of buffoonery was the trigger for all kinds of scorn to be poured upon the striker.

Since joining Manchester City, Mario Balotelli has had a, erm, mixed time of things. In his 12 months in the North-West, he has thrown darts at a youth teamer (for a laugh), single-handedly stopped a child from being bullied, wrestled with a plastic bib and given away thousands of pounds to a tramp.

Compared to those escapades, fluffing a back-hell is probably the least controversial thing he's done. Well, you'd think so. Apparently not.

Moments after the miss, Roberto Mancini substituted the striker and the two shared a heated exchange of words. The anger didn't stay between these two, either, Twitter was soon abuzz with words like 'disrespectful', 'unprofessional' and 'disgrace'.

'Idiot' would have sufficed.

Had he scored, or maybe even if it wasn't one of football's biggest nut-jobs, there's probable doubt that these words would have been reeled off. Certainly, had it gone in, the superlatives may well have been in free-flow.

Instead, though, he missed, looked a fool, everybody laughed and the clip will be on something like 'Danny Dyer's Pwoppa Nawtie Footie Fowl Aaps' and that's how it should have stayed.

The fuss would've been understandable had it been in a competitive game, like Robbie Keane's abomination of a fancy flick ( go to 3.20), in the Champions League, Djimi Traore's effort of a Zidane drag-back or David Dunn's derby day hilarities.

Instead, it was in a friendly. A friendly. You know, those unimportant games which are usually devoid of entertainment? Well Balotelli tried a trick to entertain. Yes, he messed it up, but it was entertaining.

If outlandish attempts at pointless tricks are that bad and are a blight on the game, maybe we should start a campaign, Father Ted style?

DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING! And this. And this. And especially this.

Imagine football without this type of disrespectful play. A joyous game full of Kevin Davieses, Dirk Kuyts, Darren Fletchers and Gareth Barrys.

Dedicated. Committed. Functional. Boring.

Hughes Knows What You Did This Summer, Micah!

So, Micah Richards has swine flu.

Thankfully he's on his way to a full recovery but the discovery of him contracting the illness must have been a huge worry to his family, friends and colleagues at Manchester City as well as his gaffer, Mark Hughes.

Almost as worrying for Hughes, however, will be the England right-back's account of his illness.

"At first I thought it was a really bad chest infection, or maybe alcohol poisoning," he told The Sun.

Alcohol poisoning?

ALCOHOL POISONING?!?!

How much have you been drinking, Micah?!

Just how wasted does someone have to get in order to consider alcohol poisoning a feasible explanation for chest pains?

"I felt so weak that I couldn't move or eat. My friends had to bring me drinks in bed," he continued.

Somehow, I don't think he has learned from his alcohol poisoning worries. Although, to be fair, I'd be more worried about returning to training to face Sparky - who has, no doubt, figured out just how Micah has been keeping in shape this summer!

Ooops!