Transfer window madness: The strangest moves this summer.

Jordan Rhodes (Huddersfield Town to Blackburn Rovers)

First of all, let's get this straight from the get go, as a player, Rhodes isn't a bad signing by any means; he's only 22, a Scotland international and scored a remarkable 40 goals in 45 game for Huddersfield, in League One, last season.

The barmy thing about this transfer is the fee. All £8 million of it. Whichever way you look at it, £8m is an awful lot of money to splash on a 22 year old who has only proven himself in League One, especially when you see that both Dimitar Berbatov and Emmanuel Adebayor went for less.

Nuno Gomes (Braga - Blackburn Rovers)

Yup, Blackburn again. Back in the early 2000s, Nuno Gomes was one of the hottest striking prospects in Europe. Now, at 36, the former Portuguese hitman finds himself in the N-Power Championship trying to help a Lancashire-based box of frogs return to the Premier League at the first time of asking.

Having appeared to be winding down his career in his homeland and his best days behind him, to see him pitch up at Blackburn is something of a surprise. Maybe he'll be the experienced figure to aid Jordan Rhodes' development and help Rovers to promotion. On the other hand, Steve Kean might just have got real life mixed up with his Championship Manager 01/02 save.

Steve Kean eyes up his next Portuguese hotshot.

Julio Cesar (Inter Milan - Q.P.R.)

After narrowly escaping the drop last season, Q.P.R. needed to strengthen and tighten a leaky defence. Having shipped Paddy Kenny out to Leeds, they needed an upgrade in the goalkeeping department so turned to West Ham's Rob Green as their new number one. For all of two games.

Yes, no sooner had Rob Green made his first multi-annual cock-up, Mark Hughes swooped to sign Inter Milan's Brazilian custodian and formerly one of the most highly-rated keepers in the world. Unlucky, Bob.

Richard Wright (Preston North End - Manchester City)

Talking of once highly rated players and underwhelming English goalkeepers, Richard Wright's move to Manchester City was probably the most bizarre transfer to happen this summer. Not only has the former Arsenal and Ipswich man been signed with the idea in mind that he will never play, Wright's move comes off the back of a spell at Preston that lasted all of a month. The reason? He felt homesick at being so far away from his family in Ipswich.

Either Richard's geography isn't that great or that few extra grand a week means he can afford not to love his kids as much.

Learn geography with Richard Wright

No-one (Liverpool & Manchester United)

At some point in June, Alex Ferguson and Brendan Rodgers must have bumped into each other, literally, and dropped their pile of carefully prepared transfer plans. In the ensuing scramble to bashfully pick-up their notes, the two managers must have accidentally swapped papers.

Liverpool needed goals and ended up signing two central midfielders; Manchester United needed a new central midfield and ended up with a star striker.

Whilst the Red Devils' transfer failings can be masked by the potency of Robin van Persie, Liverpool's bungled pursuit of a goal-getter isn't likely to be made any better by the fact three of their big signings are two midfielders not renowned for hitting the back of the net and a young, hard-working but ultimately inexperienced forward.

Giampaolo Pazzini/Antonio Cassano (Swap deal between Inter Milan & A.C. Milan)

The surprising thing about this transfer isn't that it happened between two fierce rivals - the transfer market between these two clubs has always been surprisingly open - but the fact that neither player seemed to fit in at the club they were going to.

As Zonal Marking's Michael Cox explains, Pazzini is at his best when wingers are putting crosses into the box, a style of football Milan haven't played in a long while. Meanwhile, at Inter, it's not entire certain if or how Cassano will slot into the team in a way which will make his signing worthwhile.

Gaston Ramirez (Bologna to Southampton)

There are a few questions hanging over this move:

Where did Southampton get £16m from?

How did they tempt one of Uruguay's star players and one of Europe's hottest properties to St Mary's?

How long will he stick around for?

After supposedly having about 48 medicals at Liverpool, according to Twitter's many 'In The Know Agents', what is the record for the number of medicals at a club before signing somewhere else?

Joey Barton (Q.P.R. to Marseille on loan)

I mean, seriously, why? Just why?

One down, 37 to go... but what does it mean?

One of the favourite tricks of football pundits is trying to guess how a season will pan out based on nothing but pre-season form. Here at HTO, we refrain from such shoddy attempts at trying to sound smart. Instead, we prefer to jump to wild conclusions after the opening round of league games have been played.

Sometimes, the first few games of the season can be a fairly good indication of what to expect for the next nine months. Strikers who get themselves off to a flying start will quite often carry that form through the rest of the season. Look at the impact Papiss Cisse made at the start of his Newcastle career earlier this year.

But equally, you really cannot trust the first results. Defences are still dopey after the summer break, strikers are still pouring Caribbean sand out of their shooting boots, and referees... well, would we actually notice if they were any worse? However, despite my determination to avoid the obvious pitfalls of hyperbole (which I'll get to in a minute), there are some small truths to be found hidden amongst the pent-up excitement and frustration.

Sensationalisms 1 & 2: Man United won't even make Europe because they lost to Everton, who will be in the Champions League!

We know for sure that United struggled much more than they usually do on the opening day. But lest we forget 1995, when United lost 3-1 at Villa Park on in the first game. Alan Hansen remembers it well.

But to suggest this one blip (and face it, it is a blip) is indicative of United's ultimate fate is to miss some crucial points. Firstly, Kagawa still needs bedding fully into the side to reach his full effect, and Robin van Persie was hardly used at all. Second, United had two fit defenders. Two. Admittedly it was a Man of the Match performance from David de Gea that kept Everton down to one goal, but you can't expect a cobbled together back four to go to a notoriously tricky away game and keep a clean sheet.

On the other side of the coin, some, myself included, have noted that if Everton are actually bothering to turn up for the first dozen games of the season then they might just outdo their seeming rut of finishing just off the Europa places. If we can't trust this result one way, we can't the other either. What we can take from it is that Fellaini, when he's bothered, is near unstoppable, and that Everton are good at shutting down top teams at Goodison. Both of which we've known for years. More noticeable for Everton was that they're still limited to playing one striker and a few attacking mids because of their, well, one striker. After sitting back and thinking I'm not convinced they've replaced Cahill. Expect a solid 7th from them for now, and a title challenge from United.

Sensationalism 3: Man City should have made some signings and won't win the league, they only just beat Southampton!

Ah yes. It's true that City haven't signed anyone (Jack Rodwell notwithstanding) but their squad is half decent anyway, and at the risk of sounding cliché, Tevez being there for the whole season will be like a new signing in itself.

Also to be considered is that Southampton have clearly been watching videos of Blackpool. They didn't hold back, and as a result very nearly got something from the game. It should be noted that this ballsy manner of play did eventually get Blackpool relegated, something everyone seems to gloss over.

But enough about Southampton, it's City we're focusing on. Perhaps we should look more closely at the Chari Community Shield, where City bossed the game in the second half against Chelsea. Or even just hold on until they've been to Anfield this Sunday. And bear in mind they won the league after one of the worst displays against QPR I've seen from any team, never mind just City. 

Sensationalism 4: Fulham and Swansea will be top half for sure! And did you see that Michu? Signing of the season!

Get a grip. The only thing that those two games proved is that QPR and Norwich both have defences more than capable of going to pieces. Honestly, it's like you people have forgotten everything that happened last season already. Yes, Swansea played some nice football under the Laudrup that wasn't at Rangers, but they did last season under Brendan Rodgers too. And QPR folded to any form of nice football. 5-0 was a bit of a false reflection, but they put their chances away, which is the main thing to focus on.

Swansea's new striker is certainly an imposing presence

As for Michu (pictured above), while I did cite the instant impact and subsequent imperiousness of Papiss Cisse before, don't forget that for every Papiss there's a Djibril, and also don't get carried away with him scoring two when his first was yet another episode of 'Simple Things Rob Green Fails At'. Fulham's Petric had a better game for his two goals, but as I said before, the defence fell apart with alarming ease. The only thing Fulham need to worry themselves with is making sure Clint Dempsey doesn't get tempted out of their mid-table obscurity to go to a Big Club. Like...

Sensationalisms 5-183: Liverpool are doomed, Brendan Rodgers should be sacked, Suarez has gone off the boil, Carroll needs to leave and when will they buy someone from a proper club rather than picking the bones of the lower half of the Premier League?

Calm down, calm down. Yes, Liverpool were awful at the Hawthorns. And yes, they do only appear to have signed players that Brendan Rodgers has worked with before. But Liverpool had lots of dreadful games last season, with a squad as small as theirs it's a risk you have to live with. And it's hard to improve that squad when they're not exactly flush with cash (comparatively, anyway), so they can't afford to take another Carroll-sized risk in the transfer market. Rodgers was brought in to get the side playing the way he wants, and the best, safest and probably cheapest way to do that is to go for players he knows. Almost zero risk of picking a dud, and no time needed for the boss to adjust to how the signing needs to be used.

But don't think I'm jumping blindly to Liverpool's defence. Rodgers has been unacceptably stubborn with Andy Carroll, practically freezing him out despite seriously limited attacking options. And as much as they might be getting used to poor performances, there is surely a limit to the number of times Liverpool fans will accept those performances. It was undoubtedly them that caused Roy Hodgson's early departure, and on the other hand it was their blind support for King Kenny that led to them accepting his flaws and erratic signings.

Liverpool do clearly have a big task on their hands, but the fans need to not get too ahead of themselves with organising the firing squad for Rodgers. They should also prepare for a home defeat at the hands of Manchester City this weekend. Brendan Rodgers needs time, it's simply a case of whether the Kop will afford it to him.

Well, that's that. Hopefully I've managed to put a damper on most of the wild emotional swings you lot of nutters have had since the start of this fledgling season. I fully expect to have to have this talk the same time next year, but for now, just wait a few months until you start actually paying attention to the table, ok?